Cleaning the colon - what I did in Thailand

The word detox used to make my heart sink, because I knew there was no way I'd have the will power to do it - even just the idea of eating salads for a week, delicious as they might be, made me cross! Cross because I knew if I had the desire to eat the chocolate cake, I would, because I lacked any will power to resist it. I didn't really believe that silly old herbal concoctions would work and it annoyed me that detox packages would be on sale for huge amounts of money in pharmacies 'cos I thought they're probably just a rip-off. Why did I feel I even needed to detox? Quite simply, years of over-indulgence and lots of niggling, sometimes screaming, health problems. It was like a last hope, a wiping-the-slate clean idea but I just never got around to it, and just put up with the status quo. So in 1998 I discovered a rather good value place in Koh Samui, probably I'd seen it on TV, and I stuck it in my brain section entitled Things I Will Definitely Do One Day. This place attracted me a) because it was cheap and b) something about the hard-core nature of fasting for 7 days AND giving yourself an enema twice a day - made me believe that this was the best method I'd seen yet for wiping the slate (colon) clean,  kickstarting a new way of living. However part of me remained extremely sceptical - these things only work for other people not me, I won't be able to do it, I'll just go back to my old ways. So it took me 10 years to get round to going there. Since this post is just a summary, I'll skip the gory details and just explain that it's very controlled; you take a special juice every 3 hours, herbal pills every 3 hours, (but not at the same time as the juice) and you give yourself two coffee enemas every day, morning and evening, all for 7 days. You eat nothing. It's all very strange at first. It's not pleasant giving yourself enemas, but there's a video and books to teach you and experts on hand (NOT with you in the bathroom) to ask; you learn as you go along, talking to fellow-guests in minute detail and picking up handy hints... you get a bit weak, you can do gentle yoga, chi-gong, steam rooms, massages, beach etc. Not as cheap as the rest of Thailand but all affordable - massage £6, yoga class £5.  The aim, in a nutshell, is to give your body a rest from being stuffed with food, so that it can concentrate on getting the gunk out of you, helped by herbs and enemas. You can hear more about this in other posts but suffice to say... EVERYONE has this, (unless they've been vegan and only eaten raw fruit and veg all their life), it's yuk, and you need to get it out of you, because it clogs up the colon and leads to other, potentially serious problems. Of course, I took photos - every time I did a colema. I emailed a couple of them to my father upon my return; he said he was almost sick and he promptly gave me strict instructions never to show these to any of my boyfriends. (Of course I wouldn't!) (well, not during courtship period anyway!) Honestly, why are some people so SQUEAMISH!? People are just not getting the fact that this stuff is inside THEM too and surely it's better out than in!! It's funny to see different peoples' reactions. There is one end of the scale, my father and brother, who shut me up loudly and almost hysterically if I even opened my mouth to say the word "enema"; and there is the other end of the scale, my friends B, P and E for example who were fascinated, examining pictures of mucoid plaque, and immediately decided they might want to do this themselves. If you are more the latter, then good for you! Follow your intuition - you KNOW that cleaning your colon is the way forward! I did mine at the Spa Village, Spa Samui in Koh Samui, Thailand.  www.thesparesorts.com I am currently investigating UK options for the same cleanse; there aren't many so maybe I will start one myself. Once you have done it and you know what you are doing, you can use www.ariseandshine.net to buy the herbs and psyllium husks and www.cleanse.net, find a colema board and do it at home, but I wouldn't advise if you don't know what you are doing. Yes, you need to take the herbs and drinks, and yes, you really should do the enemas,  (no point cleaning your house without emptying the rubbish bin) and no, you really shouldn't eat anything except drink coconut water, carrot juice, wheatgrass juice, a liver flush, vegetable broth. I've gone into more depth in other posts.
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Day 2, Fast and detox Koh Samui

Oh dear. Had to get up with tummy troubles 4 times in the night... there certainly won't be anything to come out of me now. Also got woken up by the wierdest sounding animal I have EVER heard! I had to record it on my iphone. Turned out to be a 1 foot long gecko-y type thing. Got up at 6.45am, went to the detox bar to collect my bucket and pills and have my first detox drink of the day. Geez, there are so many thin brown healthy-looking Ozzy girls here. And giant fat old men with walking sticks. Jolly strange. Pity it's pouring with rain since I arrived - absolutely typical of my luck, destined to be white.. It's becoming clear that I am going to be very busy with this routine! 7am detox drink - psyllium husks and bentonite clay to absorb toxins from gut and provide bulk for the Gunk to adhere to, with a nice pineapple flavour. Drink quickly, or you cant drink it at all.  Pick up my designated bucket with coffee solution in it. Go back to room and start "rigging up" the bathroom! 7.30 to about 8.30 (except it took much longer!) give myself a colema - more here. 8.30 pills - herbs to loosen the Gut Gunk Optional yoga / chi gung 10am detox drink number 2. Take bucket from room back to colema bar. 11.30  - 6 more pills and liver flush drink or a carrot juice or a coconut water or a veg broth 1pm - another detox drink number 3 2.30pm - 6 more pills 4pm another detox drink 5.30 6 more pills and liver flush drink or a carrot juice or a coconut water or a veg broth. Collect Bucket and prepare bathroom for evening colema... 7pm  last detox drink . Take bucket back to detox bar. 8.30 pm 6 more pills 9pm 1 white pill for good bacteria And this routine is basically repeated every single day. You can get takeaway detox drinks if you want to go off an do stuff.. but everything takes a lot of energy! First colema I did was wierd, ok, not very satisfying, but interesting. Second one - Oh. My. God. This is the first time I really believed. Just wierd as hell that this stuff was coming out of me. It wasn't poo. I resolved to keep photographic records logged and catalogued with date and time... To see what happens when you give yourself a colema, click here. Click here for Day 3

Day 1, Fast and Detox at Koh Samui

This is a much shortened amended version of an account of the fast I'm doing in Koh Samui Thailand. If you are only reading one post, read here. Day 1 Arrived 9am from Bangkok. Feeling coldy, ill and run down, cross that the receptionist wasn't particularly friendly and that the taxi driver charged 4 times more than usual. Had a chocolate muffin and my last cup of tea - with condensed milk, since they have no normal milk here - on the plane, so feeling a little guilty. Was advised to start with a liver flush drink, consisting of lots of olive oil and ginger and cayenne pepper - recipe here> The Liver Flush recipe:
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil – anywhere from 2 Tbsp. to 1/3 cup, as you prefer
  • Freshly squeezed lemon or lime juice, 1/3 cup
  • Fresh garlic, 3-5 cloves
  • Fresh ginger, 1/2″
  • Cayenne Pepper, dash to taste
  • Freshly squeezed orange juice, 2 cups
Put all ingredients in a blender, blend and drink immediately. It's actually really yummy but I felt sick for the rest of the day. Sometimes that happens. Then I had a raw salad with dressing for lunch and a raw burger of nuts and seeds for dinner. Should say that that was pretty darn hard for me, knowing that there's all this (cooked) yummy Thai food to be had... Also not feeling great in the old tummy department since I'd been ill for a week with something. Watched a rather odd video with some American Hawaian-shirted colonics experts "sort-of" demonstrating how to give yourself a colonic, which just made me a bit more confused because I couldn't understand how you get the gut-gunk (henceforth my name for this stuff that comes out of you - yes you too - when you are doing this - more later) out of you - after all you don't want it coming back down the tiny hosepipe that delivers the water INto your bum. So far finding the people all a little odd. A loud trio of tattooed Englishmen - well one was a fake-breasted but very pretty tiny girl who turned out to be a tv presenter called Jessica, she presents Real Hustle I think it is, covered in tattoos they all were  - anyway they were 1 day ahead of me and the boys very loudly proclaiming how well their first colema had gone. Meanwhile the slightly teary tv presenter told me she hated it, had burst into tears and given up... I was filled with dread at having to do myself the next day. (you don't have to do it on your first day). Anyway over the week we had rather surreal discussions together about what was coming out of us and how to massage our stomachs to get more water up, and Jessica told me she lost about 9lbs in the first few days.. Bedtime: took the brown pills they gave me and tried to go to sleep in my rather lovely cabin, but resolving to ask to move rooms since next door woman was playing her tv at top volume. Hmmm, hope I settle in. Click here for Day 2